Even if your motivation is 100%, if you aim for the wrong thing, all your hard work will be for nought. If you fill up the tank and put on your sunglasses, you'll never get to the sunset if you drive east.
For a more practical illustration, consider a marriage where both partners are content. It's a common goal with a low success rate; for many couples, however, it feels like an uphill battle that leaves onlookers baffled. But perhaps the issue is not a missed opportunity but rather the incorrect method. Marriage shouldn't provide you joy. Its intended effect is to cause you to get hitched.
When it comes to in-laws, cash, children, jobs, etc., they argue and get discontent for the same reasons. What makes these unions unique, however, is the key to comprehending the profound camaraderie that exists between the partners.
Maybe you've asked yourself, "Was my wedding any good?" at some point in your marriage. In the midst of a terrible argument, when you have no business questioning anything important, you find yourself doing just that.
This isn't a new concern, but if you Google "how do you know you're in a healthy marriage," you'll likely find some unhelpful results. Studies and statistics from the field of psychology are the main focus here; if your therapist thinks your marriage is successful, that should tell you everything you need to know. You can find at least one individual on any online forum who will tell you that your marriage is perfect if you and your spouse never have any disagreements and always see eye to eye on every topic. A good marriage is one in which the couple never fights, always works together, and forgives one other. The Internet is particularly interested in learning whether or not men are content in their marriages, but less so in learning whether or not women rate their own partnerships favourably.
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Table of Contents
Conflict Style Matches
Most people are either validators, avoiders, or volatiles when it comes to dealing with conflict. If there were five times as many positive interactions as negative ones during dispute, then the relationship was healthy. But divorce is more likely when partners have different approaches to dispute. When there are disconnects, it's usually because one individual wishes the other to grow but the other is resistant to growth. Researchers did not identify any correlations between volatiles and avoiders. They think it's because they never move on from the dating stage.
The Discussion of Enduring Concerns
Only 31% of couples' disputes were found to be amenable to resolution. Most arguments, though, were over issues that never seemed to go away, and these variations in character were blamed on everyone from the most polarising characters to the most agreeable ones. Although the concept of "active listening" seems excellent in principle, in practise it rarely produces positive results because the listener frequently reacts to whatever negative they encounter.
Having a "soft" beginning is an important factor in determining the longevity of a relationship. Since women are more likely to bring up marital problems, this is often a source of stress for us. Those in committed partnerships who opted for the milder approach initially fared better when resolving these disagreements. Maintain your sense of humour and be considerate of your partner. Conflicts can only be resolved through conversation; celebrate your individuality and never forget that God made you just the way you are!
Existing Issues as Interdependent Situational Issues
If you're feeling frustrated in your marriage, instead of placing the blame on your partner, it's better to let them know how you feel but also to make clear what it is that you need from the partnership. Take care to avoid any harsh language. Think about the good things that person is doing and compliment those first. Don't expect somebody to be grateful to you just because you're complaining; nobody's perfect.
Check out our post on What are the keys to a happy marriage?
Efforts to Repair Succeed
In our world, there is no such thing as perfection. If you spend a lot of time with someone, eventually you're going to start getting on one other's nerves. And that's a really nice thing indeed! It aids us in pinpointing our specific areas of improvement and keeping our egos in check while we seek out constructive criticism.
Instead than trying to avoid or punish oneself for arguments, it's more productive to analyse what went wrong and try to fix things. This is an absolutely essential juncture at which to make repairs. Simply apologising never suffices. As a couple, you should try to figure out what you did wrong and how you can make amends by working together to identify specific instances of infidelity and then apologising and asking for feedback on how to best repair the damage.
Keeping Calm Physiologically During Conflict
Once the adrenaline starts pumping, we lose all capacity for empathy and rational thought. Acquire the means to calm your own nerves. Avoid losing your cool by taking a pause or making a joke. Extend your hands to clasp together. Put a stop to your gloomy outlook right now. You'll be a better spouse and parent if you know how to calm yourself in stressful situations and show your kids how to do the same.
Accept Your Spouse's Influence
Don't get in the habit of constantly saying "no" to your partner. To be influenced by someone you care about implies to consider their viewpoint and accept their choice, provided it is not immoral. To do so necessitates a degree of discomfort.
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Creating Friendship, Affection, and Optimism
Natural family planning is an area where married couples can benefit. You and your partner have a built-in, everyday opportunity to assess how you intend to spend your day together and how you want to express your affection for one another. It's not a question of whether or if you adore each other, but rather, how you will show that love to one other today. The key is to keep the romance alive even after the wedding bells have rung. Master the art of true affection for one another. Maintain a balance between optimism and realism. Establishing these routines ahead of time will make the adjustment to married life much easier.
Those who haven't had the benefit of witnessing many successful partnerships throughout their lifetimes may have faulty ideas about what makes a happy marriage. Despite the fact that the dynamics of every couple's relationship are unique, there are a few qualities that are universal among happy couples.
The Definition of a "Healthy" Marriage
Commitment. Successful marriages are characterised by a shared commitment between the partners. They're committed to the marriage and keep the big picture in mind so that the little things don't become big difficulties.
When a marriage is strong, both partners are happy. Nine in ten married adults report being happy in their relationship. This isn't because their marriages are problem-free, but because they're both dedicated to sticking it out through the good times and the bad.
Successful problem-solving in relationships is strongly correlated with open and honest communication.
Resolving Conflicts Efficiently
Couples who have worked hard to maintain their unions are more likely to find peaceful solutions to their disagreements. Couples who are able to work through their differences and resolve conflicts constructively are less likely to experience negative emotions like anger, resentment, and defensiveness in their partnerships.
Absence of Abuse and Violence
Aggression and physical violence are never used as a means of solving marital conflicts or gaining power in a healthy marriage. Physical, verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse all fall under this umbrella. Neither of them ever treats their kids poorly or cruelly.
Loyalty or fidelity
Sexual and emotional faithfulness are hallmarks of happy relationships. Contrarily, unfaithfulness is a major contributor to the divorce rate.
Emotional Support and Intimacy
Strong marriages are built on emotional closeness, mutual support, trust, and care for one another by both partners.
Companionship and Social Interaction
Couples who have strong marriages treat each other like closest friends and prioritise their time together. A healthy marriage is marked by partners who enjoy one other's company and hold mutual respect for one another, regardless of whether or not they share the same interests.
Legal Status and Duration
When a marriage is strong, both partners commit to making it last forever. When one or both partners is going through a tough time, the other is more likely to stick by their partner's side.
Founded On Loyalty And Trust
What does that really mean to have a bond with another person? How strongly do you feel attached emotionally and dedicated to your partner? When one partner in a committed relationship exhibits symptoms of sadness, depression, anxiety, or hurt, it can cause distress on both partners. They are extremely sensitive to one another's feelings. There is a lot of faith in one another. In this partnership, both parties are self-aware and considerate.
At the other extreme are the couples who can't seem to go over their feelings for each other. A lack of regard for one another exists. Both couples' feelings and attitudes are all over the place. Neither happy nor sad, really. The partner is going through a tough time right now. For the couple's marriage to endure, this is a major setback. They are both focused on themselves, and neither is willing to put in the effort to learn how to treat the other with compassion.
These relationships will always feel distant, with trust problems and accusations of personal attacks over unrelated events plaguing them. Fearing the worst, the pair becomes mired in hostility. They have nothing except animosity for one another. Their main concern is winning. As a result, there is a lack of attentiveness and clear expression of feelings in these partnerships.
Preserve Family Time
Before having children, this is a breeze. It's simple to maintain a close relationship when you and your partner only have to worry about each other. This is especially true if you have the option of going to the cinema or having peaceful dinners that don't entail chicken fingers anytime you choose. However, as you bring new life into the world, you'll need to put in a little more work.
Make sure you schedule some alone time together regularly. You don't want to sit down to dinner with your spouse and find they've become a stranger to you while you were busy driving carpool for the kids. But those kids who can eat up every minute of your time will eventually go.
Relax on the couch together at the end of the day have a conversation. Try exchanging babysitting services with another couple or using some bribery to get the grandparents to watch the kids while you go out. You should not, however, ignore the partnership that birthed your offspring. Having a happy marriage is the greatest legacy you can leave your offspring. They won't fully realise the significance of this inheritance until they're adults, but it will have a profound impact on every aspect of their life in the meantime.
Do Not Forget to Have Fun
Reality is heavy. There are groceries to buy, problems to fix, and toddlers to teach how to use the toilet. But remember to keep a sense of humour, because let's face it, life can be quite silly at times, and we believe we all function better when we allow ourselves a moment to giggle at the absurdity.
A Wonderful Marriage Quote: Let Go and Move On
There have been times in our marriage when we've gotten into heated arguments because one of us had allowed bitterness to build up over a series of small offences. And then, before you know it, we're arguing about the water bill, but the true problem started a month ago, when you believed he wasn't pitching in enough to take care of the housework and was being self-centered.
It's important to remember that your partner isn't a mind reading. Finally, it's important to remember that the words we tell our children to use are sometimes the very ones we need to use ourselves. Not a month later, when you've bottled up your anger and are ready to blow, but as soon as something bothers you or hurts you, let them know.
Plus, and this is a major one, give them your forgiveness. Your husband is never attempting to hurt you on purpose, and it is one of the most important things you've learned over the years. It's possible he'll say or do something insensitive, but he'd never do it on purpose to aggravate you.
If you want your marriage to last, learning to forgive one other is crucial. When we harbour bitterness and rage, the slightest provocation is like lighting a match next to a gas can. You must let it go once you have forgiven the offender in your heart. Surely we hope that they will reciprocate our kindness, right?
Never-Ending Work In Progress
Whenever we hear that a couple has decided to divorce after 35 years of marriage, we usually find ourselves wondering, "What's the point?" because it seems reasonable to assume that if you've survived this long, you'll be able to keep going for the rest of the ride.
However, it serves as a sobering reminder that no marriage is perfect. No matter how far along the road we travel, there is no point at which we can declare victory and announce ourselves to be there. It's a pledge to put aside our own wants and needs and remember that we share a home with another person, one who could drive us crazy by, for example, only using half of a paper towel and leaving the other side on the counter, but whom we have sworn to love until death do us part.
Successful marriage requires work, even when you don't want to do it. It shows affection for our partner even when they are difficult to love, while also acknowledging that we, too, might be difficult to live with at times.
God provided us this individual because he knows our flaws and where we need a guiding influence to help us grow and develop into better versions of ourselves than we would be if we were left to our own devices. Although it may be challenging at times, the payoff is well worth the effort.
Want to start a new, positive routine? In order to form a habit, whether good or bad, it takes a lot of practise. When routine, they become second nature. They are so routine now that we seldom give them a second thought. Accepting and adopting these practises can have a profound effect on your life.
Successful Couples Seek Counseling
A marriage has a better chance of survival if both partners are willing to put pride aside early on and recognise that they need assistance. The couple decides to work on their connection. Involving a lawyer in the divorce process does not prevent one from making strategic decisions. Collaboration is the focus of marriage and couple therapy.
Knowing oneself is the first step towards expanding one's perspective and comprehension. A mutual recognition of your partner's and your own unique qualities. Both individual therapy and marital counselling can help with this. Increases in emotional acuity correlate directly with increased self-awareness.
Getting any sort of counselling can help out a lot. Working as a unit, we'll figure out how to deal with our feelings, correct any misaligned or negative thought patterns, and develop genuine, long-term friendships.
If you go into a marriage with the incorrect expectations, you'll be setting yourself up for failure. To have a happy marriage, it's important that the pair never has any disagreements, always finds common ground, and is quick to forgive. Marriage isn't supposed to make you happy; it's supposed to make you get married. When spouses resolve conflicts in drastically different ways, divorce is more likely to occur. Disconnections occur when one party wants the other to develop but the other is unwilling to do so.
Always remember that God created you uniquely and to take pride in that. Few things are common to all successful partnerships, yet they do exist. The secret to a happy marriage is striking a balance between hope and reality. Preparing yourself with these habits will ease your transition into married life. Maintaining a spark after the wedding is over is essential.
Nine out of ten persons who are married say they are content with their spouse. Strongly committed couples are more likely to resolve their differences amicably. Emotional connection, shared support, trust, and caring are the cornerstones of a healthy marriage. It's possible for couples to have conflicting emotions and perspectives. The opposite extreme is that they can't seem to talk about how they feel about one other.
One's ability to pass on a happy marriage to their children is invaluable. Make it a point to routinely set aside time for just the two of you. Keep in mind that your partner can't read your thinking. It's important to keep in mind that we, as adults, may need to model the language we teach our children. Most importantly, forgive them; this is essential for the health of your marriage.
It's humbling proof that no married couple is faultless. No matter how far we get, we will never reach a position where we can say we've won. Maintaining a happy marriage takes effort, even when you don't feel like it. The gesture expresses our love for our partner despite the challenges they provide.
FAQS About Happy Marriage
In a happy marriage, honesty and trust become crucial building blocks. Trust, however, is built up gradually, unlike the other necessities above. Trust is something that develops gradually over time, unlike, say, selflessness, dedication, or patience.
Although it's unrealistic to expect a couple to master every facet of what makes a healthy marriage, it may be to everyone's advantage to make progress on as many as possible. A few examples of such qualities are trust, respect, communication, laughter, intimacy, faithfulness, open-mindedness, and a willingness to forgive.
One married woman puts it this way: "A happy marriage means being happy with what you've got, rather than expecting your marriage to be a certain way." Rather of always attempting to live up to some unattainable standard set by movies and romance novels, true happiness consists of being content and appreciative with what one already has.
Their connection is warm, secure, and deeply felt by both partners. According to studies, the happiest and longest-lasting couples are those who are also best friends; they take pleasure in each other's company, lean on one other emotionally, share interests and hobbies, and have lots in common outside of their friendship.
- Communicate clearly and often.
- Tell your spouse that you're thankful for having him or her in your life.
- Make time for you two as a couple.
- Plan for some personal time.
- Understand that it's OK to disagree.
- Build trust.
- Learn to forgive.
- What makes these unions unique, however, is the key to comprehending the profound camaraderie that exists between the partners.
- A good marriage is one in which the couple never fights, always works together, and forgives one other.
- If there were five times as many positive interactions as negative ones during dispute, then the relationship was healthy.
- But divorce is more likely when partners have different approaches to dispute.
- Having a "soft" beginning is an important factor in determining the longevity of a relationship.
- Maintain your sense of humour and be considerate of your partner.
- Acquire the means to calm your own nerves.
- Master the art of true affection for one another.
- When a marriage is strong, both partners are happy.
- Successful problem-solving in relationships is strongly correlated with open and honest communication.
- At the other extreme are the couples who can't seem to go over their feelings for each other.
- A lack of regard for one another exists.
- It's simple to maintain a close relationship when you and your partner only have to worry about each other.
- Make sure you schedule some alone time together regularly.
- But remember to keep a sense of humour, because let's face it, life can be quite silly at times, and we believe we all function better when we allow ourselves a moment to giggle at the absurdity.
- It's important to remember that your partner isn't a mind reading.
- Plus, and this is a major one, give them your forgiveness.
- Your husband is never attempting to hurt you on purpose, and it is one of the most important things you've learned over the years.
- If you want your marriage to last, learning to forgive one other is crucial.
- Successful marriage requires work, even when you don't want to do it.
- Collaboration is the focus of marriage and couple therapy.